"but don't you get me started now, oh, don't you get me started now"

goodmorning. goodafternoon. goodevening. goodnight. i am every part of the day but the sunset. and if anyone ever suggests. that vampires are made. not from bites. but sleepless nights. then i'll be the one crawling through the darkness. just to perch atop your building. and feel your blood pump. as if it was passing through my veins. back into my heart. to keep myself warm.

eternity is the loneliest thing you'll ever know.

the king of self loathing. has eloped with his romantic ideas of understanding the social conscience. i hope he will save us all.

crush:
unidentified accents.
3 things:
realising we don't know the girl from the lecture who yanked my arm to check out my tattoo,
toast,
gossip/drama/so pointless but we love it.

(i recovered this from a myspace message i sent myself)

life is galactose and i'm skeletal muscle.
break me.
down.
life is dessert and i'm your syrup.
shoot me.
all the way down.
all the sweetest things keep you up all night.

tick tock. memory's an awful thing. and i've not even known you two years yet. but i don't know you anymore. through dark rooms. darker nights. the music is always awful. and you're always somewhere. just out of reach. just out of reality. and just not who i respected. and i'm not saying i havent changed. i'm old and blackened. but i'm not hiding. and maybe that's the reason. we'll never see eye to eye. i probably shouldn't judge you. because i know i don't understand. but i just can't stand you. and i doubt i will. unless you find me convulsing. with half a smile. at 3am. under the clock. tick tock.

crush:
lily allen
3 things:
advent,
letters,
physalis.

"i wanna fuck you in your gods hands when your praying bites the dust."

i'm sweating but i can see my breath. and incase you didn't know. i'm telling you i'm a fucking con(tradiction). i'm telling you not to play with fire. call me mommy. you can be my sugar daddy toy boy. and we can be heroes. wouldn't that be nice. and it's nice. to wake up to cake. less than eight hours old. old lady. learn to keep up.

crush:
itsblitzzz.
3 things:
friday 13th,
cocamotherfuckingcola,
poster overkill.

I don't know when i wrote this, but it's from my last saved draft, and everything should be given a chance to be read.

"dear stranger.
it's late. it's 3am. i have troubles in my head frequently. tonight i am very lost. i can't close my eyes without seeing him (who was my boyfriend, but that story is too long for tonight) with her (who is not a pretty as me, so why would anyone like her more). despite being told nothing is going on. he emails her a lot."

i've put every part of my phone in a different drawer and now i'm leaving the room. i'm tired of being bound by time. let the church and the romans burn. i'm walking in a world that never gets dark. and i have no where to go and nothing to do. but i will find it.



crush;
subscription.
3 things;
newspapers,
handwashing clothes,
sex.

i'm sick of strangers being my friends and all my friends being strangers.

i just lost my job. the curtains are closed. but i'm almost sure it's raining. it's been five months and i still can't stop coughing. but now my eyes are closed. and it's really fucking nice to be with you today.

crush:
history.

surrounded. two nobodies are breaking up. and nobody is watching. and i am the nobody in the burgundy skirt. who is happy she doesn't have to tell anybody the story. Ian Curtis is telling me that love will tear us apart. i think he might be on to something. and she's crying. and i'm the worst person for these situations. so i leave her to search for comfort at the bottom of a glass. a fair few later and she still hasn't found it. and now i'm finding it quite hard to stand up. but my feet don't hurt anymore. and neither does my mouth. and in my hazy gait. i will walk her home. to take comfort on the floor. the door never knocks. and for all the squalor i have seen. this makes me feel something. i think how life is pivotal. i think of watching Vanilla Sky. i try to stop thinking. because that is my horror movie. and the room starts to move. and he keeps singing. and it just keeps spinning. and i just can't stop thinking. every passing moment. when we are both cats. another life. every passing moment. and he keeps singing. do you cry in your sleep?

3 things:
cheesecake,
warm cats,
taking off my shoes.